Category: Lifestyle

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When Your Celebration Calls for Sabrage

Nothing screams CELEBRATE like popping a bottle of bubbly. Especially, when the bottle is opened with a saber. Truly special occasions such as graduations, milestone birthdays, anniversary’s, and holidays, demand a little extra attention and warrant the time honored art and tradition of Sabrage. In the sabrage technique, the saber appears to slice the neck of the bottle open, separating the cork and the collar from the rest of the bottle. I say “appears” because (as we shall see) the opening is actually caused by physics and not a slice at all!

We recently had an extra special event in my family, the marriage of my daughter, so it was time to whip out the saber. The sabrage was to be executed at the wedding reception by my husband following his “father of the bride speech”. Upon lopping open the bottle he would then fill a tower of champagne glasses and we would all toast the happy couple. Sounds picture perfect doesn’t it? Ah, but only if you follow the science.

The Science

Champagne is made from a mix of grapes, typically pint meunier, pinot noir and chardonnay grapes. The grape mixture is crushed and the sugar in the juices allowed to ferment in stainless steel tanks or oak barrels for several weeks at 64-68°F. The fermentation process produces alcohol and carbon dioxide and may be represented chemically as shown below.

C6H12O6 → 2CH3CH2OH + 2CO2

The fermented grapes are now wine, (called still wine) and are combined with reserve wines to create the base wine of the champagne. The base wine is poured into a champagne bottle, mixed with yeast and sugar, and sealed. These three ingredients: alcohol , yeast, and sugar provide the reactants for a second fermentation producing more alcohol and carbon dioxide inside the bottle. The sealed champagne bottle is placed horizontally in a cool cellar (55-60°F) until it is ready for consumption.

The carbon dioxide gas, CO2, produced during this second fermentation not only provides the bubbles in the bubbly but also builds pressure inside the bottle. Typically in 5 – 6 atm of CO2 gas is dissolved in the champagne. When released all at once that’s 90 psi or 620 kPa of pressure–KABOOM! Champagne is basically a bomb waiting to go off!

All of this pressure must move through the narrow neck of the champagne bottle, which is only about 18 millimeters in diameter. So much pressure moving through such a small space creates a force of about 160 N which pushes on the neck of the bottle and the cork. This force creates stress on the glass bottle in two places. 1. At the lip of the bottle and 2. On the vertical seam running down the body of the bottle.

The glass is weakest at the point where these two stress concentrations intersect–the lip of the bottle and the top of the vertical seam. When this weak point in the bottle is hit by a saber, or by any blunt implement for that matter, the impact forms a crack which extends around the neck. The transferred momentum from the saber and the pressure inside the bottle sends the cork flying along with the top, or collar, of the glass bottle.

The Directions

Step 1 – Chill a bottle of champagne. I used an Italian and a California asti spumante for this post. However, for the best results, use a French or Spanish champagne as they have  thicker glass for a cleaner break.

Step 2 – Insert the chilled bottle of champagne upside down in a bucket of ice (the freezer will work nicely as well) for 20 – 30 minutes. The neck of the bottle must be 38oF – 40oF. At this temperature the glass particles will slow down and get a little closer together making the glass more brittle and easier to break.

Step 3 – Remove the foil from the bottle.

Step 4 – Remove the cage from around the cork.

Step 5 – Hold the bottle with your non-dominate hand placing your thumb in the “punt” of the bottle (Yes, that’s what its called, the punt.) Tilt the bottle away from your body at about a 45 degree angle. This position keeps your fingers out of the way of the incoming blade. Make sure the bottle is not pointing at anyone standing by!

Step 6 – Rotate the bottle until you find the seam in the glass. Hold the bottle so the seam runs along to the top. The seam and your arm should be in a straight line.

Step 7 – Place the blade on the bottle perpendicular to the seam. You’re aiming for the weakest point on the bottle–the spot where the seam and lip of the bottle meet. This is where you’ll get the clean break. Blunt edge or sharp edge—it doesn’t matter. Remember this is science! The pressure is going to do the work, NOT brute force.

Step 8 – Tip the blade up slightly to hit the lip at a slight angle and not perpendicular to the lip. Swing up along the seam and through—do not stop at the cork. If you’ve performed the task properly, the cork (with a little ring of glass around it) will fly off the end of the bottle about 5 – 10 meters. Ta-da!

Step 10 – Capture the escaping bubbly with your champagne flute and offer a witty toast.

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2021 Garden Plan

Like so many others, I began gardening last spring during the pandemic. (See my previous posts for garden building tips and my 2020 garden plan.) Although, I got my garden started late I still had a decent harvest. Not that the yield mattered because—I GOT THE GARDENING BUG! I started out just wanting to get out of the house and try something different but somewhere along the way it became my religion. With the sun on my skin, and the dirt in my hands I found a calmness and peace that I so badly needed during this insane pandemic.

I also learned a few things about gardening! For example, all plants are not alike and do not go into the ground at the same time. Also, there is this pesky moth in my area that will ruin your cabbage, brussels sprouts and cauliflower. This spring the gardening journey continues! Here’s what I will be planting in March, April, and May:

March Plants (Or Whenever the Ground Thaws Plants)April PlantsMay Plants
BeetsLettucesBeans
CarrotsPeascucumbers
KaleCorn
RadishPumpkins
SpinachSummer Squashes
Winter Squashes
Watermelon
Peppers
Tomatoes
Broccoli
brussels sprouts
Eggplant

I plan to put my plants in six raised beds. I’ve placed companion plants next to each other in the same bed. Yes you heard me, I just threw out a gardening term–“companion plants”. (Look at me using the gardening terms!) According to my extensive gardening research, plants grow better when they are near certain other plants, termed “companion plants”. Companion planting is a strategy used by gardeners (like me-HA) to maximize plant growth. For example, I placed the beets next to the kale and the carrots and peas with the peppers. I am SUPER excited to share with you (trumpets playing) my 2021 garden plan below!! TA DA!

Now the fun begins! This year I will beat the moths, create a new pea trellis and conquer composting. What will you do? Happy gardening!!

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Fences Make Good Gardens

Robert Frost’s poem advises us that “fences make good neighbors”. This is especially important when your neighbors are of the furry foe to include deer and rabbits. These insurgents will infiltrate your garden and wreak havoc. Although they are super cute, these troublemakers must be kept out.

When designing your enclosure it is important to consider what types of animals may be attracted to your bounty. There are numerous fencing options online to fit your anti-critter needs. For example, to protect against deer, a fence with a 1.77 by 1.96 inch mesh will give you the most protection. However, it’s the height of the fence that really matters since deer can jump up to eight feet! A fence height of six to eight feet will protect against these air assaults.

Another common garden pest, rabbits, can be deterred by adding chicken wire to the bottom two feet of the fence. Chicken wire with 1/2- to 1-inch mesh is ideal however, any material that with a small grid will suffice. Because rabbits are known to tunnel underneath the fence, the chicken wire should extend at least six inches below the ground or be secured to the ground to keep the bottom edge tight. Instructions to create your own garden fortress and a few fence construction pictures are below.

Materials Needed:

  • 6″ X 6″ treated wood posts
  • Fencing
  • Wire cutters
  • Concrete
  • Fence nails
  • Post hole digger
  • Fence stretcher
  • Tape measure
  • Garden gate

Assembly

  1. Determine the linear footage by measuring the length of the perimeter.
  2. Dig three foot holes for posts at corners and spaced eight feet apart on edges.
  3. Plumb and set posts in concrete.
  4. Nail horizontal support posts between vertical posts.
  5. Nail the fencing to from top to bottom of the the first post.
  6. Run the fencing along the length of the perimeter to opposite end.
  7. Use a fence stretcher to pull the fencing tight while nailing the fence from top to bottom of each post.
  8. Repeat steps 6 and 7 for each side of the enclosure.
  9. Install gate.
  • Digging holes for 6″ X 6″ treated posts.
  • Posts plumbed and set in concrete three feet deep.
  • Posts braced every eight feet.
  • Fencing stretched until taunt and nailed to each post.
  • Chicken wire added to the bottom to keep out the bunnies.
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Spring Cleaning the Fridge

Here in Michigan, winter loves to hold on just a little too long. Like my husband with a hole in his sock. Like company that won’t leave. Like my dog with a pair of underwear. Like my reoccurring chin hair. Anywhoo, right about March I find myself slipping into the abyss. Thats when I start cleaning!

I love to clean my house from top to bottom and give winter DA BOOT! Sadly, my refrigerator has always left me wanting. I’d throw out the expired foods, wipe down the surfaces, and put everything back but there was always something missing. This year I found the missing piece–STORAGE BINS!! Yes, storage bins take refrigerator chaos and turn it into culinary charm.

How to Organize your Refrigerator Using Storage Bins

Step 1 : Purchase clear plastic storage bins in multiple sizes. I got mine from Amazon. (Vtopmart large and small refrigerator organizer bins.)

Step 2: Take everything out of the refrigerator.

Step 3: Throughly clean the shelves, doors, and interior walls.

Step 4: Throw out the expired foods. Wipe off everything that is left.

Step 5: Organize remaining items into basic categories such as: dairy, condiments, yogurt, leftovers, meats, cheese, fruit, veggies, etc.

Step 6: Place items into appropriate sized bins.

Step 7: Label bins and place in refrigerator.

Step 8: Order dinner out tonight, you deserve it!

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It’s Not About Winning–Until It Is

We like to engage in a little friendly competition on our lake each 4th of July with a boat parade. The decorated boats parade around the lake to the delight of residents young and old. The parade ends with judging at the sandbar. In addition to a bottle of bubbly, and a dollar store trophy, last years winners become next years judges. My family and I have participated in this fun filled fest the past three years. My family’s 2018 entry was “Happy Birthday America“. In 2019, our contender was “Stars & Stripes 4-4 Ever”. This past 2020 4th of July we entered “Red White and Brew BBQ”.

2018 Boat Parade Entry: Happy Birthday America

2018 was our first year participating in the North Lake 4th of July boat parade and we were not sure what to expect. We constructed a birthday cake using two kiddie pools and pool noodles purchased at the dollar store. We deck out the boat with the usual 4th of July decor and blasted the Beatles “Birthday” from the stereo. We were beat out by a boat decorated as the U.S.S. Constitution, but hey its not about winning!

2018 Boat Parade Winner: The U.S.S. Constitution

In 2019 we upped our game with “Stars and Stripes 4-4 Ever”. This boat had us dancing the parade away as stars waiting to be sown onto the American flag by our own Betsy Ross. There is a funny family story behind the phrase “4-4 Ever” which involves a stoner and a microwave cook timer, but I digress.

2019 Boat Parade Entry: Stars & Stripes 4-4 Ever

Unfortunately, we were beat out by a boat decorated as an eagles nest with eaglets. AGAIN, its really NOT about winning.

2019 Boat Parade Winner: God Bless our North Lake Nest (whatever)

This year, 2020, we rejected several Covid-19 theme ideas which included: giant toilet paper rolls, covering the boat in a giant mask and/or constructing a giant bleach syringe. Opting instead to go all in with a whimsical theme, “Red White and Brew BBQ”. The boat was covered in red gingham to act as our picnic table where we danced as a couple of beers and picnic food amongst a chef barbecuing and a few giant balloon ants. (It may or many not be a coincidence that the beers look like Corona.) The food items include: a hot dog, ketchup, mustard, watermelon, strawberry, a s’more, and a bomb pop.

2020 Winning Boat Parade Entry: Red White & Brew BBQ

This was the one! We finally–after three attempts, won the North Lake, 4th of July, boat parade!! I know I said its not about winning, but I LIED. Now we proudly display our major award on our fireplace mantel and will become the 2021 judges! (We also occasionally sing “We are the Champions–of the Lake”.) So happy!!

Our Major Award
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Planning a Vegetable Garden Party

Last year I planted my first garden and like Ricky Nelson sings in the Garden Party song, “But it’s all right now, I learned my lesson well,” I learned a wheel barrel full! Probably the most import lesson is, have a plan! The plan should include: plant selection, garden layout, and a garden calendar.

The key to a good garden layout is to decide which plants you would like to grow and group them according to similar planting schedules. For example, my chosen plants are:

  • Beans
  • Beets
  • Broccoli
  • Brussels
  • Cabbage
  • Carrots
  • Cucumber
  • Eggplant
  • Kale
  • Lettuce
  • Onions
  • Peas
  • Peppers
  • Radish
  • Spinach
  • Squash
  • Tomato

The planting schedule is located on the back of the seed packet or may be found at your favorite gardening resource. Due to the Covid-19 pandemic I was unable to start seeds in March or April but many of those cool weather plants can be planted a second time in August for a fall harvest. Considering the planting schedules, the plants may be grouped into three groups: May Plantings, June Plantings, and August Plantings.

May Plantings

June Plantings

August Plantings

  • Beets
  • Butternut Squash (seed)
  • Carrots
  • Cucumber (seed)
  • Eggplant
  • Muskmelon (seed)
  • Onion
  • Peppers
  • Radish
  • Tomato
  • Zucchini (seed)
  • Beans (seed)
  • Beets (seed)
  • Broccoli (seed)
  • Brussels (seed)
  • Cabbage (seed)
  • Kale (seed)
  • Lettuce (seed)
  • Peas (seed)
  • Spinach (seed)

These groupings are based on when the plants can be transplanted outdoors in Zone 6. With the exception of the squash and melon, the May plants will be purchased as plants to transplant directly into the garden. In June the bean seeds will be sown directly into the garden every two weeks until the end of June. The August plants will start as seeds indoors in July before they are added to the garden. My gardening calendar looks like this:

May

  • Plant cucumber, squash, and melon seeds after frost date (May 14).
  • Plant transplants of peppers, tomatoes, eggplant, beets, carrots, onion, and radish.

June

  • Thin May seedlings to proper spacing.
  • Plant bean seeds every two weeks until the end of the month.
  • Harvest beets, carrots, and radish as they mature.
  • Stake tomatoes.

July

  • Thin seedlings as necessary .
  • Harvest eggplant, cucumber, zucchini as they ripen.
  • Cover carrot shoulders and onion bulb tops with soil.
  • Plant kale, broccoli, brussel sprouts, spinach, lettuce, and cabbage seeds indoors.

August

  • Transplant kale, broccoli, brussel sprouts, spinach, lettuce, and cabbage to garden.
  • Plant beet and pea seeds in garden.
  • Harvest onions, beans, spinach, squash, and melon as they mature.

September

  • Harvest peppers, tomatoes, broccoli, brussel sprouts, kale, and lettuce as they mature.

October

  • Harvest beets, cabbage, and peas when ready.

The back of the the seed packet also gives the spacing and yield of the plants. Use this information to draw out a sketch of each raised bed. My beds are 4′ x 10′. Once I was satisfied with my sketch I finalized my drawing using Google Drawings.

Raised bed layouts. Upper Left – May transplants, June bean seeds, Cabbage transplants. Upper right – May tomato transplants. Lower Left – May seeds. Lower Right – August transplants.

Now I’m ready to start the party! I hope you are getting out there with your garden plan which may be different from mine. Again, like the song says, “You see, ya can’t please everyone, so you got to please yourself”. Fingers crossed for a fruitful harvest!

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Game Night in Lockdown

We all know that staying home is the best thing we can do to slow the spread of covid-19 and ease the burden on our healthcare systems. But, as stay-at-home orders are extended we are all looking for ways to NOT GO OUT OF OUR MINDS! I mean, how many jigsaw puzzles can I possibly do? We all miss socializing with our friends and family. Thanks to Zoom and Jackbox we can once again come together to play some silly games.

Family Game Night Across the Miles. Wigs Optional!

Jackbox has a wide variety of digital games that are sure to tickle your funny bone and make you forget about #pandemiclife for awhile. There are 30 games to choose from including interactive drawing games, trivia games, to everything in between. Each game challenges the players to be be as crass and as clever as possible with their answers. (Usually borderline vulgar and asinine!) Some of the games may be purchased individually but most are bundled into “Party Packs”. There are six party packs available.

Jackbox Games may be played using just about any digital platform. Purchase and download the game(s) to your Xbox One, PC, Apple TV, Fire Stick, etc. Once you’ve bought a game or party pack, you own it and may play as much as you want but you cannot switch platforms. Up to eight players may play along with you and do not need to purchase the game. Once the game starts, they will be given a url and a code to play using their phones or other web-enabled devices as their controller.

In normal times, everyone would gather around the tv (or other screen), open a website on their phones, and start the party. With social distancing, a few more steps are required. The directions below are for play using an ipad while streaming the screen with Zoom. We have managed to laugh away many hours together using these techniques. I hope you are able to have some fun with this and forget about lockdown for awhile!

How to Play Jackbox Games on an iPad Zoom Meeting

  • Go to the App store on your ipad and purchase the Jackbox game(s) or party packs you want to play. Note: you only have to buy the game once—your friends and family can play for free, even if they don’t own a copy.
  • Download and install Zoom onto your ipad.
  • Create a Zoom account and start a Zoom meeting by clicking “New Meeting”. Note: You can also share your ipad screen to a Zoom meeting on your computer. Directions to do this are given below.
Select “New Meeting” From the Zoom App
  • Before the meeting starts, open the Jackbox party pack and go to “settings”. Turn the volume control way down. (For some reason the volume is extremely loud for the participants joining the meeting.)
Turn Game Volume Down in Settings
  • When the meeting is open, click “Invite” to send invitations to anyone you want to join.
  • Select “share content”. Select “Screen”. Select “Start Broadcast”.
Select “Share Content”. Select “Screen”. Select “Start Broadcast”
  • Boom! The ipad screen is shared into the meeting. Note: you may want to turn off your notifications on your ipad or they will be shared as well!
  • Swipe up to return to the Jackbox app to start the game. Unfortunately, you won’t be able to both share your screen and see all of the players but you can still hear everyone in the meeting.
  • Direct the players to go to Jackbox.tv, and type the four-letter code displayed on the shared screen. Once everyone is in the game and can see your screen, you’re ready to play!
Url and Four Letter Code Displayed and Shared on Screen

How to Play Jackbox Games on an iPad Shared to Computer Zoom Meeting

  • Go to the App store on your ipad and purchase the Jackbox games or party packs you want to play. Again, you only have to buy the game once—your friends and family can play for free, even if they don’t own a copy.
  • Download and install Zoom onto your computer.
  • Create a Zoom account in the installed app on your computer, and start a Zoom meeting by clicking “New Meeting”.
  • When the meeting is open, click “Invite” to send invitations to anyone you want to join.
  • Select “share screen”. Select “iphone/ipad”. Select “Share”. If this is the first time, you will be prompted to install the plug-in for sharing and iphone/ipad.
Select iPhone/iPad
  • Connect ipad to the same WiFi as your computer.
  • Swipe down from the right on the ipad to access the control center. Tap “screen mirroring”. Choose Zoom-your computer option.
Select “Screen Mirroring” in Control Center on iPad
  • Voilà! The ipad screen is shared into the meeting. Note: Again, you may want to turn off your notifications on your ipad or they will be shared.
  • Tap and swipe up on the ipad to access the game app. Open the game. Your ipad becomes the controller for the game with the game video shown in the zoom meeting.
Game Video Shown in Zoom Meeting on Computer
Ipad Becomes Controller for Game
  • Direct the players to go to Jackbox.tv, and type the four-letter code displayed on the shared screen. Once everyone is in the game and can see your screen, you’re ready to play!
  • Using this method the person sharing the game is able to do both – See everyone in the Zoom app and the game screen. However, there is some lag time in the game response which can suck the fun out. I think this is an internet issue and may be avoided with faster internet speeds.

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Building a Pandemic Garden

During WWI Victory Gardens were created when Americans were called to “sow the seeds of victory” by planting their own fruits and vegetables so that more food could be exported to our European allies. Many Americans answered the call planting 3 million new garden plots in 1917 and more than 5.2 million in 1918. Even children were recruited as “soldiers of the soil” as gardens took over every available space — rooftops, fire escapes, empty lots, and backyards. These efforts generated an estimated 1.45 million quarts of canned fruits and vegetables.

Fast forward to today when limiting our exposure to the covid-19 virus requires requires careful planning and limited trips to grocery shop safely. With stores selling out of basics, and unemployment rates rising, gardening may help reduce fears of food scarcity. Pandemic Garden, Doomsday Garden, Stick It to the Virus Garden, call it what you want, but planting a garden during the lockdown is the perfect opportunity to take back some control in our lives. Spending time outside can also help reduce depression, anger and stress which is something we all have a lot of right now. So grab a shovel! The sun is shining. Let’s take charge and start growing.

Part 1 – The Site

The site for the beds should be fairly flat with at least six hours of direct sunlight daily, typically afternoon light. Ideal growing beds are raised, with lumber, above the ground and measure eight feet by four feet. This allows just enough space to reach across for maintenance and weed control. Two feet wide walking paths allow access and separate the beds. The walking paths should be covered with mulch or pebbles over a weed barrier such as landscape fabric. The soil is a 60:30:10 mixture of topsoil, compost and potting soil that will be added to the beds once they are in place. Lastly, if there are deer or other critters around, the garden site will need a fence.

Part II – Building the Beds

Materials Needed:

  • Three 2-by-12 boards, each 8 feet long
  • Circular saw
  • Soil to fill the finished frame
  • Screws w/ cordless drill
  • Soil (60:30:10 mixture of topsoil, compost and potting soil)

Assembly:

  • Cut one of the boards into two four foot long boards. These will be the ends.
  • Prop one side and end piece up at a a 90 degree angle and screw the boards in place. Repeat with the remaining side and end pieces.
  • Remove grass and/or weeds and loosen the soil in the area where the bed will sit.
  • Put the assembled bed in place and fill with soil to within an inch or two of the top.
  • Repeat for the number of desired beds.
  • Install walkways around and between the beds using landscaping fabric and mulch or pebbles.

Part III The Fence

In order to keep deer out of the garden a six to eight foot fence is required. There are numerous fencing options online. If there are rabbits in the area, the bottom two feet of the fence will need a smaller grid to keep them out. Chicken wire with 1/2- to 1-inch mesh will suffice. To prevent rabbits from burrowing under it, the fencing should extend at least six inches below ground or be secured to the ground to keep the bottom edge tight.

Part IV – The Plants

Tomatoes, zucchini squash, peppers, cabbage, bush beans, lettuce, beets, carrots, chard, and radishes are the typical vegetables planted. What is important is timing when to plant since most vegetables are either cool season or warm season crops. Find out what USDA hardiness zone you will be gardening in. This will allow you to determine the plants that will grow well in your area as well as determine when to plant them. Online sites such as the National Gardening Association provides hardiness zones, spring and fall planting strategies, and planting calendars by zip code.

For example, my zip code resides in zone 6 on the USDA hardiness zone map which means that I can plant cold crops like broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, lettuce and spinach from seeds as early as the ground can be worked in mid-March. Warm weather vegetable seeds like beans, corn, and squashes are safe to plant around May 1st, once the soil is near 60° F.

Part V – Layout

Once you’ve determine which vegetables you’d like to grow, group them according to their growing season requirements. Use the back of the seed packet to determine spacing and yield of each plant. Draw a diagram of your garden layout. Use companion planting to get the most out of your space. Companion planting puts plants together that use different growing spaces. For example, planting beets between cauliflower and radishes between tomatoes works well because the beets and radishes grow below the ground while the cauliflower and tomatoes grow above the ground. This allows for less spacing between these different plants. If drawing a layout for your garden seems too overwhelming there are some great garden layouts available online.

Resources

There are many online resources, some of them are suspect or promotional. A great resource is your local agricultural college or university. Michigan State University has some great information, useful videos, as well as online webinars for gardeners. The National Gardening Association, listed above, also has a wealth of information. Pinterest is a great place to get ideas for garden layouts and fencing.

Many garden centers, where permitted, are offering curbside service to minimize customer contact. Seeds, tools and supplies are also available from online retailers including:

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Stay Home – Grocery Shop Online

Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash

Shopping for groceries online is not a new thing but its become almost a necessity during the Covid-19 pandemic. With social distancing mandates we can put in a grocery order online and then pick it up curbside at the store. Online shopping with curbside pick-up is available at several stores in my area: Meijer, Kroger, Busch’s, and Walmart. (Aldi also offers curbside pick up but requires an Instacart subscription.) The fee’s for using these services vary from free to $6.95. I put in several orders at Meijer, Kroger, and Busch’s. Here is what I learned.

Curbside Pick-Up Comparison

StoreFeeWebsiteMobile App
Busch's$6.95Buschs.comNone
Kroger$4.95 (First 3 Free)Kroger.comiOS and Android
Meijer$4.95Meijer.comiOS and Android
WalmartFreeWalmart.comiOS and Android

Each store allows you to place your order using their website. Some also have a mobile app. My experience placing an order at each store was very different. Busch’s website was not very user friendly. Unlike the Meijer site and the Kroger site, Busch’s does not offer guidance on order quantities. For example, when ordering 8 chicken thighs I had to figure out how many pounds this would be since the number of pounds is the only option for the required entry. This took more time to place the order because I am more of a visual shopper. I know how many of something I need, not necessarily the number of pounds or ounces. This difficulty was glaringly apparent when I reviewed my order and discovered I was about to buy $63 worth of dates! Meijer allows entries by “pack” or “package” with a photo of the item. However, I had to switch departments when shopping for non-grocery items such as tooth paste or antibiotic ointment. I found the Kroger site to be the most user friendly by listing the usual number per package in the item description. I could also search for my non-grocery items with the same search engine. Overall, I found the Meijer and the Kroger sites much easier to shop with confidence that I was going to get what I wanted.

Two of the three stores I shopped also offered a mobile app, Meijer and Kroger. The Meijer app never really worked for me. The first time I tried it it came up as gibberish and code. The two times after, I was unable to find the order I had already started from my computer. The Kroger app worked perfectly and synced my order from computer to phone allowing me to quickly add items to my cart whenever they came to mind.

Once your order is placed you can select curbside pickup. For $6.95 Busch’s allowed me to pick up my order in 24 hours. The wait at Kroger was much longer 5 – 6 days. Although, their pick-up fee is less $4.95 (free for me since Kroger does not change for the first three pick-ups.) I was also able to add or modify my order up to 24 hours before the scheduled pick-up.

A week later I put in my Meijer order which only offered pick-up times two days out. With this smaller window, all of the possible pick-up times were taken. I’ve since discovered that all of the grocery stores have experienced an explosion of online shoppers. While stores are amping up their ability to accommodate the number of curb side pick-ups, shoppers should check the store website often to grab an available pick-up time. I am still working to place an order at Meijer. I expect this online/curbside pick-up trend to continue as the pandemic continues. Those of us hoping to join the trend will have to be patient as grocers scramble to adjust and hire more workers to keep up with this new demand.

Pick-up at Busch’s, like their website was a little unknown. I pulled up to the pick-up site at my scheduled pick-up time and called the number given to me on my confirmation email. The haggard clerk answered and told me that they would bring it out to me “when they get a chance”. About 15 minutes later a nice young man brought my order out and left me with the cart. The Kroger pick-up also took about 15 mins. I arrived at the pick-up site in the parking lot where the sign instructed me to call the number on the sign. A clerk answered and reviewed the process that was also included in my email confirmation. She told me to open my truck and sit in my car. An employee would bring me my order and load it into my car. Once the groceries were loaded I would need to close the truck. This happened as planned and I happily closed the truck once the employee left.

I did not receive a full order from either Busch’s or Kroger. The Busch’s order lacked sugar, and dates. The Kroger order was missing chicken thighs, and a cake mix. I was not charged for these missing items. Even with the missing items, my experience left me feeling safer and I hope to continue using this option even after the threat diminishes.

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Finding My Funny Lady

We could all use a little laughter right now, am I right? Isn’t laughter supposed to be the best medicine? If I were a doctor, I would prescribe everyone a healthy dose of laughter everyday. If I could, I would go door-to-door and deliver the prescription myself because I LOVE to make people laugh.

I was born with an uncontrollable need to make people laugh. As a child nothing was more satisfying than getting my mom and sister to laugh. Even better if they peed their pants. When I was about eight I grabbed an electric fence just so my cousin could “see my skeleton”. (By the way, the skeleton thing turned out to be a huge myth–so STEP AWAY FROM THE ELECTRICAL FENCE!)

I grew from class clown to “that friend” until I finally decided to take a stab at stand-up comedy. Not knowing where to begin, I decided to take a class entitled “Stand-Up 101” (no joke). This class, through the Laugh Index Theatre, (LIT) in Washington D.C., promised to help me (and six other students) create and perform a five minute set over the course of five weeks.

At the first couple of classes we, the stand-up 101 students, were given writing prompts and simply told to write several paragraphs on each prompt. Below are some examples of comedy writing prompts:

  • I really hate…
  • I am in love with…
  • I am most annoyed by…
  • I am so proud that…
  • What really terrifies me is…
  • I’m embarrassed by…
  • I’m obsessed with…

The trick here is to NOT overthink this. Just write! Let whatever your thinking flow out onto the page. We then shared our writing with the class and discussed what we liked about each person’s responses and what, if anything, was funny about our writing. This helped us figure out the core idea that made the story funny.

Next, came the hard part. The next couple of classes we worked on whittling down our stories to the core ideas. Figuring out how much set up each story needed while being as concise as possible. This is really hard but, it forces you to choose your words wisely. Before I knew it, I had turned my stories into my own unique jokes! Now all that was left to do was to string the jokes together into some sort of cohesive flow for a five minute set. Sounds easy? Its NOT!

We tried to get our literal “act together” by the last class so we could perform in front of each other before our big performance at the actual comedy club in Adams Morgan in front of a real audience. The practice session didn’t go so well. I don’t think any of us were happy with our practice sets. I was forced to spend the next several days writing and rewriting and then practice, practice, practice in front of mirrors, my husband, my phone, my husband, my kids, oh and my husband.

Performance night was unreal!! I was sooooo nervous. It was very hard to watch the other acts as I sat there waiting my turn. As I walked up to the microphone I told myself, “just go for it”! Thankfully, the bright lights were in my eyes and I couldn’t see the crowd. I really don’t remember what I said, but I do remember the feeling— exhilarating!

Afterwards my husband exclaimed, “Wow! You were funny!” Like he had never seen my set before, (except for the million times I had practiced it in front of him)! For a fleeting moment I thought he meant that he didn’t have the heart to tell me that he thought I was going to bomb and I almost screamed, “OMG, AND YOU LET ME GO OUT THERE ANYWAY??” But, I was riding too high off of my five minutes of fame to care. (Turns out, my jokes lost their “funny” around the tenth practice session but bright lights, a live audience, and a big dose of fear and panic helped with the delivery.)

You can view my short career as a stand up comic on LIT’s YouTube at: https://youtu.be/Ya6e7QWLNv4. Will I do it again? All I can tell you is the process is sooo hard but also sooo rewarding. I highly recommend trying it at least once! And what a perfect time to work on a comedy set during these trying times when we need laughter the most! If you decide to tickle your funny bone and write a joke a two, please post to social media and tag me. I would love to see it.